Your Greatest Power for Happiness...

Hello Brave Heart,

A year ago this month, I was gearing up to leave for Boston.  I had hit a major wall in my life and I was lost.  I was so entirely disconnected from myself and I had become afraid of eve-ry-thing. Although I had accomplished major things in my personal growth over the 5 previous years- including, but not limited to: completely changing my relationship to food and my body (fuck yes!), I went to school to become a Health Coach, started my own business (two actually), hosted webinars about self love, learned several new technology platforms (NOT an easy feat for me) and I bought a car- all on my own (another, fuck yea is needed here). These things weren't enough, I still felt like something else was going on deep within that I just wasn't facing.  And the fear(s) had taken over.

I was miserable and totally stuck.  If you read my blog post from last Summer about why I went to Boston, you'll remember that I had become afraid of everything.  I was so stuck in old stories of who I was and what I wasn't capable of, that I just stopped showing up in my life. My answer for almost everything was "no".  No, I'm not good enough.  No, I can't do that. No way, I'd fuck "it" up, so I better not try.  

 

Looking back, I now see that the fears were representative of my lack of self trust and self assurance.

 

For so long, I had numbed myself to my real feelings and the deep emotional hurt I had been pushing down for so long.  As a result, I had taught myself that I would not be there when I needed my own support most.  This taught me to search outside of myself for answers, guidance and approval.  I never stopped to think that the things I needed most were to be found within- my own compassion and acceptance.  

I was so afraid of turning within and hearing my truths, of facing the anger that had been brewing for years.  I had always identified as a "nice girl" that I was utterly panicked about what would happen if I acknowledged that I was actually angry, about a lot of things

So, instead of facing it all, I took on fears, all kinds.  Things to distract me from what really needed to be done-- my own self acknowledgement.  I had to show up for myself and tell her that "we" could handle it- whatever "it" was.

Something inside of me screamed, I needed a huge change if I wanted to overcome these fears. So, BOSTON happened.  

Day 2 of being in Boston and the tears came and ya know what, for weeks to follow, I cried, a lot. Unlike before, I didn't have my usual numbing mechanisms.  For goodness sakes, I didn't know the street names, where to get a cup of coffee or have any comforts around me... everything was new.  With that, something came up- I heard my inner voice say:

Feel your feelings!  

For so long, I pushed my feelings down.  I had distracted myself from all of it out of "self preservation".  I was finally ready to FEEL IT ALL.  I remember that day, seeing an IG post that said "Embrace it because it's happening."  THAT became my motto.

I had such a massive realization right then.  I no longer wanted to numb, distract and put off.  

I wanted to feel. it. all.  

I wanted to reclaim my life as my own and to finally be present for myself.

That decision CHANGED MY LIFE!  It started a completely new reality for myself.  I was no longer abandoning myself.  I was there for her.  When I did that, when I showed up for myself, as the support she so desperately longed for, real healing began.  Because "we" both knew, it was going to be O.K.  

Over this last year, my life has blossomed!  I can say that for the first time in my life, I am truly happy.  My relationship with Everett has grown into something so magical and my relationship with myself is truly my greatest source of joy and strength.  Each day, I see massive growth towards the truest me.  Including my current exploration of spirituality, something that used to cause a lot of pain, is now something that brings me great comfort and pleasure.

I realized, that allowing myself to be truly present to what was happening WITHIN, was my greatest power of all.  When I turned within, and actually HEARD and ACKNOWLEDGED all the hurt, pain and shame that were buried deep, I found true strength.

It was the sense of love, safety and acceptance, that I was always searching for but always fell short of.  

It takes a lot of strength to be present to ourselves.  We are constantly operating on the "just get it done, just get by, go-go-go, accomplish" mode, that our feelings are often ignored, silenced or numbed.  I promise you though, over time, these feelings (especially sad ones) grow "stinky" and more painful the longer we continue to numb them from our conscious mind.

But my friend, I want to assure you, that method, of ignore & deny, will only work for "so long", before you too are faced with a deafening sense of internal urgency.  The pain must be dealt with.

If you want to create a life of true happiness, filled with love, support, compassion, understanding and joy you must be willing to turn within.  You must be willing to hear your truth and confront all the deepest darkest feelings that lie within.  Don't be afraid of what may come up... for when you finally hear your truth, massive self-liberation happens and you discover a strength that can only be felt when you are truly in support of yourself.

 

You discover your greatest strength when you choose to support yourself.  

 

Ok, so now you're ready to connect with your inner voice?!?!  My #1 tip for doing this is to sit quietly, no distractions (i.e. no phone, you're not driving or doing dishes), and you say to yourself: "Jeni, I want to hear you.  I want to know everything.  How can I support you?"  (of course, swap out my name for yours ;) )  Then, spend as long as you can, I suggest somewhere between 5-20 minutes, quietly breathing, with your eyes closed, if you can stand it.  Then, allow.  Allow for your truth to come out and tell yourself, no matter what it is, you are there to support her.  Her being the part of you that felt too scared to acknowledge your truth in the past.  

 

You are strong, Brave Heart and I promise, you can handle it!

 

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx

 

If you're where I was before, struggling to find self compassion and self understanding and you've hit a wall...  but you crave a life where you find ease in caring for your body, mind and soul and you get to spend your energy on making some truly cool shit happen;  I am here to help!  Simply email me: jeni@jeniwrightson.com and let's set up a time to chat about working together. My heart is ready to support you and I can't wait to be a part of your journey!!  So much love.  xx 

 

 

Are you ready to reclaim your life?

Hello Brave Heart,

Lately there has been something on my heart that I really want to talk about.  I spent nearly two weeks trying to think of a fun way to write the beginning of this post.  I thought I had to start it with a lighthearted story, so that it would be “easier to swallow” or something like that.  But I realized, I don’t want to do that. Moving forward, I want to speak openly and directly and I want to treat you with respect- You don’t need me to water down my thoughts or make these emails more “socially acceptable.”  If we part ways, because my words do not resonate with you, I thank you for the time we spent together.

I would like to start by saying that I no longer wish to be well-liked or easily understood.  I wish to show up as authentically as I was made and to shake up this world.  I am here to reclaim my life, as MY OWN and I encourage you to do the exact same.  Over the last few years I’ve received glimpses of who I am meant to be and what my existence is truly about, those moments are breathtaking, emotional and awe-inspiring.  I live for those moments, I feel truly guided and ALIVE in those moments.

In between those moments of being graced by the Devine (you can think of this as God, the Universe, or just moments that make me feel immeasurable joy and purpose), I often feel an immense inner-struggle.  There are periods when I am taken over by a desire to be well-liked and easily understood.  In those moments I see a direct connection between me speaking my truth and causing others harm… so I chose to hide.  I hid my feelings, my purpose and tried to blend in and be as unnoticed as possible (read, wearing sweatpants, no makeup and generally looking like a slob).

Then, thank “God” for the moments when I awoke with a raging fire within, a fire that knew I was made to shake up this world!  I now know, I am NOT here to "go with the flow” or to fit in with the norm.  I was given my experiences and truth for a reason.  That reason is to connect with an “army” of women, in reclaiming our lives, and the definition of what being a woman really is.  

When I say army,  I am not talking about a group of women who are out to destroy.  We are not a group of women who hate or generalize all men. We are women who are fighting for love.  We are here to reclaim the Love of ourselves and between sisters (literal and metaphorical).  We are the women who, despite common practice, want to care for our bodies, speak our truths and live by our own guidelines.  Most of all, by reclaiming our lives we aim to rewrite the modern definition of “woman.”

We are ready for Liberation!  Liberation from the confines of what has been accepted as “the truth” for generations before us.  No longer do I (or we) want to live by what was deemed “appropriate behavior” for women.  We will no longer stand to be controlled- we will determine how we dress, act, and speak.  We will embrace our desires.  We will own the way we express ourselves sexually, be it with great modesty or in the baring of our flesh.  We will determine how we mother (if we choose to at all).  And, we will live by our own definition of femininity, be it with perfectly placed eye-liner or completely fresh-faced.  Most of all, we will find our own answers, within ourselves, not from society and especially not from the patriarchal media.  

We do not need to be easily understood.  We are dynamic in all understandings of the word. 

We are brave enough to question society and ourselves.   

I want us to wave the white flag, on the war with our bodies.  I want us to wave the white flag, on the war with other women.  And I want to partner with you in liberating all women, who have been manipulated and convinced into believing that they are not perfect in exactly who they are.  

This is the beginning of my new way of connecting with you- the women in this Self-Love Army.  

From here on out, my writing and coaching practice will be dedicate to the encouragement of all women expressing their truest, most authentic selves.  I plan to share much more openly about the experiences that have lead me to this point in my life and I implore you to share your stories too. 

I look forward to connecting to you on a deeper level and to the growth of our friendship.

 

 

If you are ready to speak your truth, to create a truly authentic life and to cultivate the confidence it requires to do so; let’s discuss working together.  I have meditated a great deal on this and my heart is so open and ready to receive you.  I can’t wait to be a part of your journey and to watch as you shake up this world with your magnificence.  Email me: Jeni@jeniwrightson.com and we can set up a time to chat.  

 

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

 

JENI xx

 

 

P.S. I created a private Facebook group called The Brave Heart’s Society for the women that this resonates with.  It is a place for us to come together, to speak our truths and to get and give support with other women as they too awaken to who they are meant to be.  CLICK HERE TO JOIN!  

Are You WAITING Your Life Away??

Hello Brave Heart,

 

Today, as I was at WholeFoods, picking out my weekly flower haul, it dawned on me, just how many years I waited, and wasted, waiting for someone else to buy me the flowers I so desperately longed to have on my desk.

As these things go, that single thought spurred a massive realization, that went something like- "Holy Shit, I waited years of my life away!"

I waited to speak my truth, for years, out of fear of hurting others. I waited (2 years too long) to break up with a very abusive dude. I waited over a decade, to confront my disordered eating.  I waited over a year to just call myself what the fuck I am- a Confidence & Self Love Coach and instead called myself something, that didn't even resonate with me.  I waited far too long to confront my fears of religion and God, and kept myself in pain over it.  I waited over 25 years, to finally accept myself for who I really am.  I waited, waited, waited and waited...  And, not just on big stuff... on a bunch of trivial shit too.

When I add up how much time I spent waiting to go after what I wanted, to accept myself, to like myself, to speak my mind, to pay bills, to change my insurance, unpack old boxes, etc, it blows my mind.  Oh, and let me assure you, while I was waiting, I was not accomplishing other cool shit, I was distracting myself, hiding, and most of all, staying in massive amounts of unnecessary pain. 

So, point blank, how much time have you wasted in your life, waiting?

Are you waiting for someone to buy you flowers, so you too can smell the roses?  Are you waiting for someone to value you, for you to be valuable?  Are you waiting for someone to laugh at your jokes to feel funny? Are you waiting for someone to rescue you, to feel safe?  Are you waiting to lose "the weight" to love your body?  Are you waiting for the "right time" to chase your dreams?  

STOP WAITING!

 Stop waiting for someone else to say you're funny. Make yourself laugh!

 Stop waiting for someone else to rescue you. Rescue yourself!

 Stop waiting for someone else to value you. Value yourself!

 Stop waiting for someone else to love you.  Love yourself!

 Stop waiting for someone else to shower you with gifts!  Spoil yourself!

And, while you're at it, buy yourself some fucking flowers already and love your god-forsaken body, she's perfect (whatever she looks like)!

All of this, is NOT SILLY.  Loving yourself is not a joke.  It's an act of rebellion. It's your own, one-person peace march, that can and will impact generations of women to come!!!!

SELF LOVE is a radical act and it's courageous (and contagious)!

 

YOU ARE A MIRACLE and you are so worthy of LOVE, especially YOUR OWN!

 

My dear friend, I implore you, stop waiting your life away.  Stop waiting to love yourself, to live your truth, to add your gifts and uniqueness to this world.

 

 WE. NEED. YOU. NOW!

 

I know it is scary and contrary to all the shit we have been taught, as modern women, but we have the right to our happiness and we have the right to feel good in our bodies, right now, exactly as we are.

 

To help us all stop waiting, I created the BRAVE HEART'S SOCIETY on FB! It's a FREE group for women who are done living a life of good enough's and are ready to live radical, fully authentic, wildly fun lives!  This is where authenticity reigns supreme!  This is a sisterhood!  

 

Join the group to give and get support as you RECLAIM your life!  As you open up to your truth as you plan and IMPLEMENT your dream life!  You do not have to go it alone.  You don't have to wait any more!  I promise you, this group will be life changing!  So if you are a Brave Heart- a woman who dreams of living her truth, who acknowledges it takes strength, courage and vulnerability to grow beyond her old stories and understanding of herself and what the media says a "good woman is", and understands the power of a sisterhood... then, yes, this is the right place for you!

 

Each Monday I will be doing a FB live Q&A, to answer whatever questions you have (seriously, about anything).  Daily interaction with me and all your self love sisters, from around the world.  And best of all, unwavering love and support from other, like-minded Brave Hearts.  

 

CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE BRAVE HEART'S SOCIETY!

 

If you would like some one-on-one attention, to help you truly reclaim your life and to STOP WAITING it away, simply email me: jeni@jeniwrightson.com,  and let's set up a time to chat.  I would LOVE to be there for you and to help you stop the waiting game.  

 

 

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx

 

As a side note, I LOVE YOU!  Whether we have met IRL or not, my heart is so full for you and I know just how much work it takes to be a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and my gosh, I am proud of you for just showing up here, to read this email and for dreaming of a life of love and authenticity for yourself!  GO YOU!

 

 

 

 

 

End the War Against Your Self

Hello my darling brave heart,

It is just 7 short days away from the start of the Killer Confidence Bootcamp and as I am creating the content for this program, I’ve been memory tripping like you wouldn’t believe.  I am continually re-hasing old experiences, asking myself, how I healed from them, reviewing the exact steps I took and how to best share it in the content with you, so that you too can move forward… a few days ago, while driving down a windy and sunny road, I was once again “reminiscing”, and at that moment, had a wonderfully profound realization.  

I realized, I can’t remember the last time I felt guilt around food.  Something that for years, plagued me and caused me immeasurable pain, that is no longer a part of my day-to-day experience.  I remembered all the times I choked down my true feelings, because I didn’t think a “good girl” caused waves.  I remembered all the shit I accepted from previous lovers and friends as “ok behavior”, because I was “lucky" to have their time and attention.  I remembered all the times I passed up incredible opportunities, be it jobs or wild adventure, because I was too distracted by my constant pain.  I remembered all the hours I spent in criticizing my body and all her flaws… and then I realized that not only do I now fiercely love this body, I can’t feel the pain I used to feel, any more.

Despite where I started, I have grown into a very different version of myself.  Now, the relationship I have with my body, food, my life’s purpose and my personal perception of my worth are so strongly rooted in love and self acceptance.  The painful memories that once drained my energy and took up all my time, are now just simply memories.  I can see each struggle I endured as divine opportunities for personal growth.  Those experiences were the breaking apart of the cocoon, that once sheltered the old me.

It’s important to acknowledge that my new way of thinking and feeling didn’t just happen by chance or overnight.  It was through years of hard work, struggle and moments of pure desperation that brought me to where I am today.  

If you are currently in a moment of personal growth or struggle, take comfort in the fact that your cocoon too is breaking apart.  You are on the brink of amazing self discovery, enjoyment and love.

Take comfort in knowing that personal growth is a messy and painful process and while you’re in it, though there will be moments when you truly don’t think you’ll make it out alive, you will.  And then, one day, an old trigger will appear and unlike before, it won’t have the same effect on you.  You won’t react the way you used to, it won’t cause the pain it once did and instead of it stopping you in your tracks, you’ll look at the trigger and as if from outside your body and it will feel like you’re looking in on someone else’s story.  You will recall the memories, the pain, anxiety and fears, as if they were a story your mother read to you at bedtime.  You will know the characters and events so intimately, but you won’t be able to access the old pain in quite the same way you did before.

Those memories are too, yours to wear like badges of honor.  They are your war memorial.  They are there to remind you of where you’ve been and the events in life that made you exactly who you are…  Then, as if it happened suddenly, you will realize that you have waved your little white flag and you are no longer at war with yourself.  Rather, you have become your strongest ally and teammate!

The Killer Confidence Bootcamp is your chance to cease fire on the war you are in right now.  Whether it’s a war against your body & food, you are consumed by insecurity or you are keeping yourself stuck in an old story of “not good enough” or “i don’t know how”, you can put an end to those pains, right now.

The Killer Confidence Bootcamp, is the culmination of all the things I did, to end the war on myself, once and for all.  This is the beginning of your future.  Your future free of pain, anxiety, insecurity, self doubt and boredom.  You can live a life filled with radical self confidence, wild adventures and peace.  

Imagine in just 12 weeks:

//Trusting in yourself so deeply that you know what choices are the right ones for you and which choices are not. 

//Knowing your strengths and talents and no longer wasting your time, doubting yourself.

//Finally accomplishing the things you dream of, because you don’t waste your time on insecurity & self doubt.

//Waking up with a sense of peace, because you are no longer waring against your body.

//Eating with a sense of joy & ease, because you know how to choose foods hat are nourishing and enjoyable to you. 

//Participating in loving and supportive relationship with others, because you no longer doubt your worth (or love-ability).

//Having a life that feels intentional, peaceful and truly happy ,because you finally love yourself completely. 

 

My dear friend,  This is when you decide that ENOUGH is ENOUGH.  This is when you chose to believe in yourself and have a peaceful and happy life.  This is when life REALLY BEGINS!

 

The Killer Confidence Bootcamp starts next Monday, April 17th.  Click this link to book a time to chat with me.  Too excited to click the link?  Just hit reply to this email and tell me “I’m READY to create radical self confidence” and we’ll set up a time to chat.

 

I’m so excited to work with you, for you to meet the other ladies that have registered and to help you to release the things that are holding you back!

 

One last thought, I know daring to change is hella scary- having the courage to invest in yourself, with your time, energy and money is a radical move.  It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you brave.  Whatever objections may arise within you, as to why you don't deserve the experience of the Killer Confidence Bootcamp, just know, you are worth it.  You are deserving of a happy, healthy and meaningful life.  You are a magical addition to this world and it's high time you realize that!  Give yourself the permission you are seeking, take a deep breath, and click one of the links in this blog post to begin your journey in becoming besties with your body, cultivating radical self confidence and creating the life of your dreams.  

 

 

with great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

 

JENI xx

 

 

 

QUIT pretending to be someone you're not!

On Sunday, I was fortunate enough to lead a workshop at Marist College, in Upstate NY.  This workshop, Confidence is Key: 10 Simple Steps to Rocket Your Self Esteem, was in the works for nearly a year before I finally shared it. Sunday was the second time I shared it at Marist College and honest to God, exactly 1 year from the moment I conceived of the idea and wrote about it in my journal.  (If you follow me on Insta- you saw the picture of that very page in my IG stories...)

My experience of leading this workshop, both live and as an online training (that's a hyper link btw, you can watch it if you'd like, but it's only available for 48 hours) have been completely life changing for me.  I honestly remember the moment that I knew what I wanted to "do".  I was nannying at the time and I was on my daily walk with the baby.  As she slept in her stroller, I listened to my favorite audio book.  The author, Jen Sincero, asked something along the lines of, "If you weren't scared, what would you do."  It hit me like a bolt of lightening, I said "I want to travel around to colleges, doing lectures on self-love, confidence and self care."  I knew then, that I wanted to help women become besties with their bodies, cultivate radical self confidence and create the life of their dreams... in short, I knew that speaking about confidence and self acceptance was my purpose.

What's funny though, is that knowing something is your purpose and accepting it as your purpose are entirely different things... Let me tell you, that just because I knew in that moment, that I wanted to be a lecturer on confidence, did not make the last year easy for me, by any means.  

Instead, I fluctuated between being totally lit up and on path, to freaking the fuck out and doing everything I could to hide from it... in short, sometimes I did what I needed to and other times, I was a self sabotage genius!

The most important thing I want stress to you, is that I know it can be really hard to accept ourselves, for who we are, who we used to be and what we have to offer to this planet.  I know that it's so much easier to hide within the crowd, than to do anything that could make us stand out, especially when that thing is sharing vulnerabilities, part of our story or our "darkness."  

The truth of it though, is that when we feel like we need to hide ourselves away or be embarrassed of our stories and experiences, we are ultimately pretending to be something & someone other than who we are. Now, I am not saying, that you have to share every single single dirty detail or confess to every insecurity you have, to the stranger on the bus... but it's when we dare to embrace ourselves, that we can stop pretending.  When we ourselves accept our journey as a beautiful gift and the building blocks of the kick ass, warrior goddess you are, then we can finally impact the world for better.

Your truth, might not be that you too want to speak on college stages, I'm just simply saying that until we accept all the facets of who we are, we are keeping our gifts from the world.  Maybe you want to be an artist, an author, a teacher, a mother, an accountant, whatever- know that when you give yourself the space to love the whole you, everything you bring into the world will reflect the light inside of you (and part of that light is also your past darkness).  

I implore you to take the steps you need to, to heal your fear of stepping fully into yourself.  Be the woman who you really are.  You are already the woman you are "meant to be", you must acknowledge her, tell her, you love every part of her, every detail, all the trials and tribulations you have dealt with, so that you can release yourself from the game of pretend.  

This world doesn't need another perfectly edited, airbrushed or filtered life or woman to look up to.  We need the messy, complex and stunning warrior goddess inside of you to just be herself- I promise you, I am so wildly impressed by your story and I can't wait to hear more of it (share it with me if you'd like).  But also, share it with the world, in whatever capacity you'd like.

Let me close with a little confession of my own... did you happen to notice the change in this email header???  Yeah, it now says "Confidence & Self Love Coach."  I have been petrified for so long, to just use those words. I've been hiding behind "Nutrition & Wellbeing Coach", because deep down, I was afraid that I wasn't "qualified" to be a coach around confidence, I didn't go to school in the traditional sense, so I used a title that went along with my certificate as a Holistic Health Coach... well, not any more, I'm not pretending to be anyone other than myself... and oh yeah, I DID go to school to teach about confidence, it's called the school of hard knocks... and I am hella qualified.

 


With great LOVE & COMPASSION,


JENI xx

 



P.S.  If you're interested in the KILLER CONFIDENCE BOOTCAMP, the 12 week group program to help you become besties with your body, cultivate radical self confidence and create the life of your dreams... you can also get 2 FREE one-on-one coaching sessions with me, included in the program when you book your FREE consultation session before 10pm EST tonight.  I can't wait to chat.  xx
 

The #1 Thing Amazing Women do, that Makes Me sooo SAD!

Hello darling! 

As I get closer to the start of the Killer Confidence Bootcamp, I am really re-connecting to my "why".  Why I care to create this program, why I am willing to work every morning, before heading off to my day job, and why I feel it is truly needed in our world.  See the thing is, I've been seeing a theme repeated across all of my client sessions lately.  This theme really drives the point home for me- that NOW IS THE TIME.  Time for each of us to take our power back and to arrive in our lives, with joy, self-acceptance and purpose. 

My clients are some of the most incredible, insightful, beings of pure magic- to borrow a description from my dear friend Rachel, these women are pure "heart-explosions".  I feel beyond lucky to be graced by their energy and to be a part of their stories... the thing is though, each one of them, is WAITING... each one of them is stuck in this story of "not me".  Each time I speak to one of them, I leave the session in complete awe, of what women survive, and yet, somehow, we think, "I don't have anything to add to the "x" conversation."  Or even worse, we carry around embarrassment of not being "perfect".  What is this about??  

When did we learn that "imperfection" is so terrible?  When did we learn that people who, "have their shit together" all the time, are the only ones that can contribute to the growth of others or contribute to the world?  I gotta be honest, I am much more impressed by people who overcome trials, than someone who shows up and says "oh, that was easy."     

Let me remind you, YOUR STRUGGLES ARE YOUR GIFT!  Your "imperfection" is what this world needs to see.  Not so your "haters" have ammo to bring you down, but so that others in this world can feel support and inspiration from your story.  Your story has the power to lift someone out of a dark and lonely place, to let someone else know, that there are other options for life, that they don't have to stay in the pain they are in.  I am not saying, that you have to have your shit all figured out either, to start contributing, it's OK to still be struggling!

It truly breaks my heart to see how many women are stuck and hurt by the pursuit of perfection.  It breaks my heart to know how much beauty they are hiding from the world, because they think "messy" = "ugly."  

To let you in on a little secret, the best thing I've done for my life, that has produced more joy than any other single action, was learning to use the phrase "FUCK PERFECTION"!!   

Seriously, that two word, 4-syllable phrase, has so much power!!

When you realize that you have infinite power within yourself, when you allow yourself to be the woman you really, truly are, and you live in a place of authenticity- my god, there is nothing more beautiful and inspiring than that!

----------------------------

 

So, how about that "why":  Why am I creating the, 12 Week, Killer Confidence Bootcamp  ???

I dream of a time when women don't bond over grievances about their bodies. A time when women stop giving away their power to insecurity and self doubt. A time when women look to each other, to be built up, not competed with or torn down.  I dream of a time that "imperfection" is seen as the new "perfection."  

I truly believe that each one of us is on this planet to add depth, complexity and insight to this world. I want to help women connect with their purpose- I want to help women put an end to the waiting game.  You were not put on this planet to live a aimless life, you were put on this planet to effect it.  To use your voice.  I want to help un-silence all the women of this world- I want to hear all of your stories.

I want to help women become BEST FRIENDS with their bodies.  To realize that you and your body are on the same team.  That caring for her and loving her (as she is) is a divine gift.  That food is just food, not a good  thing or bad thing, but it has the power to nourish you and give you the fuel to become who you are meant to be.  I want to help women reconnect to their intrinsic value- the car you drive, the house you live in, or the six-pack you have (or don't have) does NOT give you more or less value than the woman next to you or on Instagram, half-way across the world.

Even more, I want to help women learn to celebrate their achievements, gifts and uniqueness.  Why do we feel like we need to downplay these things?  Why are we told to be confident, but the second we talk about something we've accomplished or are proud of, we are seen as "full of ourselves". 

So, why is this a group program, rather than one-on-one, as my coaching practice has been up to this point? This past fall, I witnessed the most phenomenal experience ever.  Perhaps you are one of the students that attended my workshop, Confidence is Key: 10 Simple Steps to Rocket Your Self Esteem at Marist College and you can remember this experience, but if not, let me tell you about it.

A student was able to share an aspect of her truth that she had been hiding for years.  She had never shared that experience with anyone (accept her roommate) and when she finally shared it with the room (filled with other women), every one of us was brought to tears.  Not only did she feel great relief at finally letting it out, she was met with the most loving and genuine support from the other gals in the room.  

We don't have to go it alone, on this journey to confidence, self discovery and love... there are power in numbers as they say and I want to offer that to the participants.  A truly supportive and understanding sisterhood.  "We rise by lifting others" and this is an opportunity for each one of us that participates, to get support, love, guidance, understanding and to give it all back too!  I promise you, it will be magical!!!

So please, if you are feeling like there must be more to life than you are experiencing currently, if you hear yourself saying "not me", "I don't know", or "maybe someday",  stop waiting.  THE TIME IS NOW!!  

Join the 12 Week, Killer Confidence Bootcamp.

I can't wait to meet you, to introduce you to your sisterhood and to help you find your voice and power!  It's time to become the YOU, you have always dreamed of.  It's time to END THE WAR on your body.  It's time for you to believe in yourself and it's time for you to effect this world!

 

 

With sooooo much LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx

       

P.S. I just updated the Killer Confidence Bootcamp information page, with details of what to expect from each week of the program, so even if you've looked before, look again!  

 

xxxx

Why I Think Your Darkest Secrets are Your Greatest Gifts

Each week, I ask myself what I want to share with you... I never want my blog to feel contrived or filled with fluff... I see it as a way of opening my heart to you, for me to offer support through my experiences and for us to have the opportunity to truly connect.  This is not one sided, you can always comment and strike up a conversation, if you are in need or have the desire to.  Although I was once horrified at the idea of sharing my experiences so intimately, I now view the things I was once so ashamed of, as my power and gift to the world...  As I am currently deep into the creation process of the Killer Confidence Bootcamp I am reminded of what my life used to be like (and it sure wasn't pretty).

As I was on my morning walk today, it hit me that there is something I need to share... so today I want to throw it back... (ha ha, I didn't even realize it was #throwbackthursday until right now...)

When I look back on my early 20's, I remember what a struggle it was, just to simply exist.  I had to constantly remind myself to put on a brave face, look happy, act happy... when inside I was a mess. I remember feeling so ashamed of myself, so unworthy, so hollow... constantly exhausted from all the make-believe.  

As a healthy 30-something I feel sadness for my younger self and her inability to actually make meaningful connections with friends and kind, prospective romantic partners.  After years of being told I wasn't good enough (thank you good 'ol fashion industry) I really started to believe it.  I took on the beliefs that I wasn't worthy and that my body was all wrong... subsequently I started to believe that I didn't deserve to have opinions, that I wasn't supposed to express myself, that I didn't know what was right for me and that I had to just take what I was given... so it was then, in my early 20's that I found myself in a very harmful relationship.  The truth is, I cried all the time.  I was miserable.  I knew the relationship was wrong and that a "man" putting me down or laying a hand on me, was not the relationship I wanted... but I thought that it was the type of relationship a "girl like me" deserved.  

After 2 years in that relationship, I finally broke free (that's when I moved to the south of France- can I get a heck yeah!)

However, that experience haunted me for years and continued to play a role in how I interacted with others... I had so many dark secrets, so many things I felt deep remorse for, that I could never imagine sharing.  I was so embarrassed about it all... about how insecure I was, how much I hated food, what a failure I felt like, that I had let someone abuse me, that I never had my own opinion on anything (cause that was really the safest way to keep hiding) and that I still loathed myself and blamed myself for it all...

I was MORTIFIED at the idea of ever having to share this "stuff".  Hiding all of this history became my focal point and main goal.  I don't know if you can relate, but let me tell you, having to hide shit like this is a MAJOR CAUSE OF ANXIETY.  It was so hard to always be so closed off, so guarded and so calculated.  

When I finally met my Bae, at 27, he said he wanted to know everything.  So, on our 4th date, I said "you want to know my 'crazy', here ya go."  The funny thing was, once I finally shared it all, the power dynamic shifted.  These things I had been hiding so vigilantly, these "weaknesses" these major embarrassments, suddenly became my POWER.

As I started to share it with him, I realized that living through all of these things and surviving it all didn't make me a failure, it made me a fucking warrior. There I was, in my late 20's working diligently to change my story.  Learning to value myself and daring to love myself.  

Now I look back on all of it with the most loving and grateful heart.  Those experiences, each and every single one of them were gifts from the universe. Here I am today, a stronger, wiser, more open and loving woman.  I know what it feels like to be powerless and I will NEVER go there again.  I own this life, I am in control of my own choices and I have the right to be happy and healthy. Best of all, these experiences have brought me to exactly where I am now, and life IS PRETTY!.

I now have an exceptionally loving, kind, patient and supportive partner.  I can now say I fiercely LOVE this body, I love having opinions and I do NOT want to hide.  I have beautiful friendships, that are raw and vulnerable and I connect with others on deep and meaningful levels.  Plus, I found my PURPOSE in this life!  I get to coach other women who need support in taking control back on their lives!  I get to support them, guide them and show them true compassion and understanding.  How freaking magical is that?!?  

I know each and every single one of us has things we feel embarrassed about, that even in this moment the idea of sharing them may be terrifying.  My advice to you is, learn to LOVE THEM!  Learn to see these things as your GIFTS.  I encourage you to share your stories, share your hardships and mishaps.  Don't be ashamed of what you have lived through, these are the things that make you a warrior!  I promise you, no matter how many others you think are "braver, stronger," or more "admirable" someone needs to hear your story.



 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,




JENI xx

 



Whether you've had similar experiences or not, I want you to ask yourself if you've been giving up your power?  Are you fully showing up as the owner of your life? Are you going after the life that you want?  I created the Killer Confidence Bootcamp, using everything I've learned.  I have poured my heart and soul and each one of my experiences into this program.  I know how much insecurity hinders joy.  I want you to be the most confident and happy woman possible, so that you can create a life that feels ridiculously cool to live.  I want you to have the courage to go after everything you want- to write a book, change the fashion industry, run a marathon or finally experience a healthy relationship... 

4 women have already registered, so that means there are only 6 spots left.  If you want my guidance and support and the magic of a sisterhood dedicated to helping you feel confident, happy and wildly radiant, click this link to set up a time to chat with me.  I am beyond excited to run this program and to help you take the control of your life back!  xx  

 

Why I Now Feel Love & Gratitude for My Inner-Critic

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen a post last week about how my inner-critic was taking me for a ride... As I put together the 12 Week, Killer Confidence Bootcamp, I'm not only pushing myself to learn new technology platforms, creating content, multitasking (like a freakin' wizard), which is all a bit overwhelming, the biggest part is the fact that I am CHASING after my dreams. Putting together this group program is my PURPOSE!  I am so lit up about it, I'm so freaking passionate about the subject matter and I know that my life to this point was preparing me for it... so, of course, moments of doubt or fear are a guaranteed part of it.

My fears manifested as my inner-critic showing up to make me feel "not good enough", to place a seed of doubt in my mind and to cause obstacles to keep me safely in my comfort zone.  The thing is, not too long ago, these fears and the sad/mean thoughts I was having would have stopped me dead in my tracks. She (my inner critic) would have WON!  In truth, for years, any time She showed up, I would throw in the towel, without even the slightest fight. Honestly, she kept me from pursuing so many of my dreams... 

So, why this time, can I say that I felt love and gratitude for her showing up? Well for starters, her showing up tells me that this IS the right choice for me.  If putting together the Killer Confidence Bootcamp, didn't matter to me, there'd be no fear.  If it wasn't a major opportunity for growth, She would have no need to throw "mud" at me.  If it wasn't outside of my comfort zone, She would have just kept on napping.  So, when She showed up, I was like "Yup, THIS. IS. IT. !"  

Second.  Despite how She used to make me feel... pissed off, frustrated with myself and like a total failure, She now makes me feel like a total badass and has made me even closer to my best friend.  Not only do I get to say, "oh you're scared... well, watch this!" and then do the thing.  Then, best of all, every time She shows up, guns blazing, throwing her mean and hurtful words at me, I have the most incredible opportunity to chose to LOVE myself, to treat myself like my BEST FRIEND and show myself compassion.  Seriously, her "actions" used to make me hate myself and now, despite her goal, I get to be my own champion, protector of my dreams, and #1 cheerleader!!!  Every time I chose to be my bestie in these situations, the stronger my confidence grows and the more I am like "dang Gina, you dope!"  

I wanted to share this with you today, because as you create a life that has more authenticity, joy and purpose, there will be so many things, big & small, that are just outside of your comfort zone... and as you begin to tackle them... your inner-critic is sure to try and keep you from accomplishing them... however, instead of giving up, handing her the reins and believing her Bulsh*t, take the opportunity for what it is... an opportunity to grow and BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND!

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx 

 

 

P.s. I am so gosh darn excited for the 12 Week, Killer Confidence Bootcamp.  I want to help you become besties with your body, cultivate the confidence to make your dream life a reality and to help you feel wildly radiant!  If you'd like to be one of the 10 gals who gets to participate, send me an email: Jeni@jeniwrightson.com so we can set up a time to chat (to make sure it's the right fit for everyone).

 More information about the program and a little info video can be found here.

How Changing My Definition of Confidence Changed My Life

For close to 15 years I struggled with severe anxiety and self doubt.  I was consumed with a constant pressure to seek and expect perfection in myself.  One day, while dealing with one of my bouts of rage, I just couldn’t handle the pressure any more and decided that something had to change.  Here is part my story and how changing my definition of confidence drastically improved my life.

As a teen who was tall and lanky (5’10” and 110 lbs) I was used to standing out and being different than those around me. When I turned 15, I was introduced to modeling and I became quickly enamored with the idea. Clothing, makeup, travel, what’s not to love?  I was so excited to “finally fit in” and have my body type “make sense.”  After all, being a good 6-8” taller than all of my friends, always made me feel pretty awkward and weird.  The thing is though, the more I became involved in the fashion world, the more I felt uncomfortable in myself.  Each photo shoot, fitting and interaction was an opportunity for someone to tell me what was “wrong with me”, what could “make me better”, “more marketable” or more “beautiful”.

Before I knew it, I lost all connection to myself.  Who I knew I was, what I enjoyed, what food tasted good, what activity felt fun and began focusing on how to “improve” myself.  I began to look only to outside sources for validation and continuously sought for others to define me and give me a sense of purpose.  (Think agents, photographers and stylists.)

As I got older, to my dismay, my body began to change. My hips filled out while my breasts remained small and my hair went from blonde and straight to crazy curly and brown… I felt so disappointed that I couldn’t just be what they wanted me to be.  As agencies began turning me down, I was devastated.  I honestly never considered doing anything BUT be a model.  After all, I felt so alive in front of the camera.

The more I got turned away from agencies for being a size 4, the more my confidence plummeted.  I saw no value in myself, because they didn’t.  I spent years, thinking that if only I got signed to a major agency, life would be awesome and I could finally feel good about myself!  I believed that validation of who I was, lied in my acceptance from that world.

When I didn’t get validation from the fashion industry, I began seeking it out in my romantic relationships.  If I could convince this guy that I was special, then I would be.

As the years passed and my relationship to myself and my lack of confidence worsened, I developed some pretty nasty and hurtful habits towards myself.  I was degrading, angry and just down right mean to myself.  One day, as I was running (a way I chose to punish myself for messing something up) I realized that if I continued to run away from my feelings, my past, my story and myself, things would ALWAYS feel like this.  And I JUST COULD NOT bare the idea of another minute of my life feeling like this.

So what did I do?  

I decided to play around with my relationship to myself and food.  I decided to take charge of my life, no more being the passenger, I was going to be the driver.  The biggest thing I changed, though, was my understanding of confidence.  

For so long I thought confidence meant feeling "sexy" all the time, or knowing you look good, or being outspoken.  Sure, feeling good and speaking up are side effects of confidence, but the real meaning of confidence is TRUST!  

Confidence, when broken into it's latin roots is: 

Con, meaning: with

fidelity: meaning the strict observances of promises, duties, etc; loyalty, faithfulness.  

So the real meaning of CONFIDENCE, is about having faith and loyalty in oneself.  

 

I realized that to cultivate confidence in myself I had to build FAITH in myself.  

Faith that I would be loyal to my boundaries and needs and follow through on my commitments, to myself.  

It wasn’t about getting approval.  It wasn't about others admiring me or validating my beauty.  

It was about me doing what felt good to ME.  

It wasn’t about what my mother, my sister, my best friends or strangers wanted for me.  It was about me listening to and connecting to what I knew to be right for me.  

As I began to connect to this new meaning of confidence I began to know myself better. Instead of looking to outside sources for direction, I began connecting to my inner wisdom.  I asked myself what food truly nourished me.  I asked myself what exercise made me feel strong. I asked myself what clothing felt right on my body.  I asked myself what type of relationship I wanted and actually deserved.  I started to respect myself and demand respect from others.  I began to say YES to things I WANTED to do and say NO to things I DIDN’T want to do… and not feel guilty for it.

Best of all, I began to have a loving relationship with my body.  I began to care for her, admire her and celebrate her.

When I changed my understanding of confidence, my whole life changed.  I stopped wasting time degrading myself, doubting myself and holding myself back.  With that freed up time and energy I have accomplished some pretty cool things too. 

I found an incredibly, loving and supportive partner, ran a half-marathon with a 16 minute PR, became a Nutrition and Wellbeing coach, started my own business, wrote my first E-book, helped hundreds of women began to heal their relationship with food and create loving relationships with their bodies and most recently, my East Coast College Workshop tour, called Confidence is Key: 10 Simple Steps to Rocket Your Self Esteem.

Of course I still have moments when I feel insecure or unsure, but instead of asking for outside opinions or direction, I know to turn inward.  Only I know what it’s truly like to be in this body and I’ve learned how to best care for her. 

 

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx 

 

 

If you are currently struggling with low self confidence and you'd like support and guidance, I'd LOVE to be there for you!  I've put together the 12 week Killer Confidence Bootcamp, group program (that begins April 10th, 2017).  It's open to only 10 gals.  For 12 weeks, you and 9 other incredible ladies will work alongside each other, connecting to the inner badass inside of you, cultivating serious self confidence, learning what it takes to truly love yourself deeply and how to make a life you are not only proud of, but LOVE living.  Over the course of the 12 weeks you will receive recorded video content, workbooks, recipes, have access to a private FB group, participate in group coaching calls, get your questions answered via FB live video and have full access to me for 3 whole months, to help you connect to the confident badass gal you truly are.  Oh yeah, and you will have 2 private calls with me too, to ensure you get the most out of this experience.  Sound like something you would love to participate in??  

Email me: jeni@jeniwrightson.com and let's set up a time to chat, to make sure the program is right for you!  I can't wait to meet you.  xx

Why I QUIT a New Diet on DAY 4... and maybe you should too...

If you follow me on Instagram, you probably saw last week that I hopped on the Whole30 bandwagon... and then on day 4, JUMPED OFF EVEN HARDER!  For those of you who don't know what Whole30 is, it's a "whole foods only diet" for 30 days.  It eliminates all dairy, sugars (even natural sugars like honey and maple syrup), legumes and grains from your diet for 30 days.  The "point" of it is to take all "inflammatory" foods out of your body for a reboot or reset of your system.

So, why did I get on the wagon to get off so fast, you might ask?  As a Nutrition & Wellbeing Coach, I think it's really interesting to do personal research about different dietary theories and plans as a way of knowing what's out there, being able to guide my clients through it, if it interests them, plus I do love me some chocolate (anything) so I thought it would be a good idea to distance meyself from the cravings for a month and finally, I thought it might be a fun thing for me and the BAE to do together... so, we started it.  

Day one: was really interesting and eye opening.  Eliminating those food choices from my "approved foods" made me realize just how much JUNK I was eating at work.  Any time a pizza was made incorrectly or there was an extra pasta dish or "sloppy" dessert, staff got it to devour.  Because I couldn't grab at all of it with my fellow staff members, I realized just how often I am actually eating all of that!  It was such a nice "wake up call."

Skip ahead to Days 3 &4: I had the worst stomach ache EVER.  I was extremely bloated and just felt terrible both days.  I even felt SUPER short tempered.  A customer asked to pour their own beer and for some reason it made me angrier than anything else ever had... 

So how did I come to the conclusion to JUMP SHIP instead of "ride it out"?

Well, I checked in with myself.  I asked myself WHY I would keep going when it wasn't feeling good... the only thing I came up with, was this fear of being a "quitter" or being someone who didn't follow through.

Then I asked myself WHY I wanted to quit... I said, I know what works best for my body.  I feel amazing when I include whole grains, black beans, chicpeas, and other legumes in my diet and occasionally I NEED dairy for the fat and high cal impact it gives... and I also REALLY DON'T enjoy having to have meat at every meal... 

So although there was a moment of "how do I admit I'm a quitter" flashing through my brain, I reminded myself of just how much time I have spent getting to know my OWN BODY.  I have learned through my own trial and error and experiments what makes her (my body) feel GREAT and what makes her feel not so great... 

I realized that the most important part of any endeavor or experience is to SUPPORT MYSELF, to be the healthiest and happiest me, I can be.  If I listen to my internal guide, inner wisdom, intuition, or whatever you want to call it. I will grow into a very STRONG & HAPPY me.  Although I know the diet does wonders for others, it JUST WASN'T WORKING FOR ME.

 

So, I want to encourage you, to approach all of your future endeavors with this in mind:  YOU KNOW YOUR BODY BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.  Try that new diet or exercise plan, or if you're one of my clients, implement my suggestions, but when it comes down to it, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.  Be her best friend and ally and if something doesn't feel RIGHT, STOP DOING IT.  We don't need permission to follow our own guide, but for some reason, I think women often look to others for the answers or the plan to be given to them... 

 

So, if you want to be hella happy & healthy.  PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY and be loyal to her needs.  Even if it makes you a "quitter".

 

 

With Great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

 

 

JENI xx

 

Did you see my announcement on Instagram???  I will be launching my first ONLINE GROUP COACHING program April 10th.  It's the 12 week Killer Confidence Bootcamp, for only 10 GALS.  Sound like something you would enjoy participating in?  Email me: jeni@jeniwrightson.com and let's have a FREE 30 minute chat to see if the program would be right for you.  (As a side note, since it is the first time I'll be running the program I'm offering it for a fraction of what it will in the future.)  If you want to be apart of the formation of this program, email me. 

The 6 "tricks" I Use to Overcome Insecurity

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I was on Vacation with my family last week in sunny Walt Disney World.  I had an incredible time, soaking up sun, going for runs in my bikini, conducting my coaching calls on our room's balcony overlooking the pool... where I later went swimming and lazily read my kindle and of course, had a blast spending time with my family.  

What I didn't share in the photos or the comments, was what happened the night before I left for Disney.  While packing, I realized I could not find my bikini bottoms... so I jetted off to Target to grab a pair.  What I thought would be an easy, grab-try on-go situation actually turned into something much "bigger."  While in the dressing room (mind you, under terrible lighting and like 3" from the mirror) I was hit with some pretty surprising insecure and sad thoughts.  I was like, "what the heck!!! when did that jiggle get there, when did that dimple appear, when did I 'let myself go' ".  Seriously, not the experience I had planned.

I quickly put my 20 layers back on (it's hella cold here in NY), hesitantly purchased a pair of bottoms and went out to my car.  Although, the moment in the dressing room was a bit jarring, no one wants to feel uncomfortable in her body... it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  WHY?

Well, I wasn't a stranger to the experience and I knew just how to "deal."  

If you don't know my "story," here's a little insight.  In my teens and early 20's I suffered greatly from insecurities of all sorts (largely about my body but also an endless list of other things) and for over a decade, I had NO FREAKING CLUE how to overcome them or even handle them.  One minute I'd feel totally fine and the next, something seriously random (or pointed) would happen and knock me on my ass for weeks, feeling totally insecure, worthless, unhappy, stuck, etc.  

Luckily, in my mid-20's, I got wise.  I realized that I DON'T have to be or feel insecure AT ALL, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS TO ME OR AROUND ME!  Say what?!  Seriously, that realization changed my life!!!  From that moment on, I worked to become BEST FRIENDS with my body.  No more, me against her, or her failing me or me being disappointed in her.  She was my #1, my bestie, my true BAE.  

I didn't kick insecurity to the curb over night, I actually spent an entire year, "researching" through my own trial and error, to figure out what worked for me.  

So, just like back then, when the "weird episode" happened in Target last week, here is what I did:

 

My 6 "tricks" for getting over insecurity and getting back to loving the heck outta yo self! 

 

1. FORGIVE THE THOUGHT. 

Honestly, the first thing you have to do, is acknowledge the insecurity, forgive it and let it go!  If you get angry with yourself for the thought, you are only continuing the cycle of hurt.  I actually forgive myself, out loud.  I say "Oh my darling, I am so sorry that happened.  I'm so sorry you felt xyz. (be it scared, insecure, not good enough, whatever)."  I let myself know, that I am her partner and I totally understand how many forces are out there, trying to break me down, but I WON'T let it happen.

 

2. GIVE YOURSELF A PEP-TALK. 

Forgiving yourself is #1, but just forgiving might not snap you out of the moment... so this is where the PEP-TALK comes in.  Depending on the cause or the insecurity, your pep-talk might change... let me give you a few examples of what I said in the Target parking lot.  "Girl, you are SO MUCH MORE than a body."  "You're body is so resilient, strong, and brave."  "Look at all you have accomplished with that body!"  "You have run 4 half marathons."  "You give amazing love to your family, partner, dawg and farm animals with that body."  Each instance will have it's own set of "pep-talk lines" and each one of us is different, so ask yourself what you'd like to hear...

 

3. BREAK A SWEAT.

For me, there is honestly nothing better than moving my body, when I am feeling stuck or insecure.  It varies, day-to-day, sometimes it's yoga, dancing, going for walk or running.  But the minute I focus on moving with my body and not against her, my whole perspective changes!  

 

4. WRITE IT OUT.

I think I started keeping a journal in 5th grade.  It has always helped me to process my feelings and to take stock of where I was and where I am now.  It also really helps me to look at the experience from an "outsiders" perspective and to be able to evaluate the outcome.  Why did I react the way I did?  Why did the experience hurt me?  What could I do differently next time, to avoid the same outcome or if I feel insecure again, how can I move past it faster?  

 

5. EAT A NOURISHING MEAL. 

Just like I said before, the most important thing I did to change my relationship to confidence and insecurity, was to tell my body that SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND.  Part of that relationship is fiercely taking care of her.  The better I feed her, the sharper, wiser, happier and healthier she is.  So, eating a box of cookies in a moment of insecurity sure as heck, will NOT help her to feel safe, taken care of, valued or respected.  So, instead of eating half-a-cake, I feed her a nourishing, home-cooked-by-me, meal.

 

6. OWN YOUR WEIRD.

Here is my final "trick" and it's probably my favorite.  If you OWN YOUR WEIRD, if you LOVE yourself so fiercely and unapologetically, no matter what anyone else has to say about you or to you, it just won't have as much power to hurt you.  Yeah, I can be super awkward, say pretty stupid things, am typically taller than just about everyone else and I'm dyslexic, but when I take away the "embarrassment" of it all, and just own it, no one can use it against me.  

 

 

So there you have it, my 6 tricks to overcome insecurity.   

 

 

With great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx

 

 

 

 

If you are currently struggling to feel happy or at peace in your body & life and would like some support, I'd seriously LOVE to help!  The first step is to book a FREE 30 minute Break Through Session with me so we can get you clear on what you want for your life, what you're struggling with and see if working together is right for you.  CLICK HERE, to book.  I can't wait to chat.  xx

 

How I Define Success and Why it Matters

Holy cow, tomorrow is February 1st!  I can't believe 31 days of 2017 have already come and gone. To be really honest, this month has been a little weird for me, filled with some really high moments and some pretty low moments too. For fair warning, this email is vulnerable and I am sharing real emotions and feelings, in hopes that if you can relate to how I've been feeling this last month, you too can see your way out of it and remember what really matters.  If you're not into that sort of thing, klick away my friend...

I started this year with every intention of ACCOMPLISHING a big to-do list, both personally and in my business.  I told myself, that this year was going to be THE BEST YEAR EVER!  I wanted to hit the ground running and achieve more things than I ever have.  

Funny thing though, I STALLED. BIG TIME.  This month held, what I would probably call, the biggest freak out of my life.  I turned 32, two weeks ago and although my birthday was hella fun, I have spent the last two weeks doing anything but celebrating.

I started to take stock of all the things I am "still working on" in my life and I got so overwhelmed and disappointed by how much I have left to "do" and accomplish.  Honestly, I felt like a total loser and I started to rag on myself pretty hard.

I spent some time crying about my lack of success in certain areas of my life and then Ev, my Bae, said to me "you aren't being very nice to yourself."  And boom, that made me cry even harder.  I couldn't believe I was back here again. More so than any "lack of accomplishment" I was so hurt that after all these years of personal growth, learning to love myself and, the fact that my entire buiness is built around helping others grow to love themselves too... I had mistakenly reconnected to my "inner mean girl."  FU{K!!!

I then had to ask myself, what the heck am I chasing after?  What is success anyway?

A few days later, the answer came to me. And, it was NOT some BS answer from society.  Life is not linear and neither is my growth.  To me, being successful doesn't mean hitting certain "life markers" at the same time as everyone else, I actually find that pretty boring.  So, with that new, loving realization I sat down with my journal, a cup of tea, my vision board and a dozen roses (for some beauty) and I wrote all the things that signal success to me.

Here is part of what I cam up with.. you may be able to relate or you may not. Either way, just remember that we each need to live on our own terms!

SUCCESS TO ME IS:

 

-Falling in love with taking care of myself.

-choosing to live with love as my guide, instead of fear.

-each time I make a choice that nourishes my body.

-every time I choose to act from MY TRUTH.

-every time I sit down to breathe deeply.

-when I choose to see my mistakes as opportunities for growth.

-every time I speak to myself with love and compassion, instead of judgement. 

-each time I leap out of my comfort zone.

-when I ask myself, "is this choice true for you?"

-when I choose to share my real feelings, instead of sugar coat it or hide them.

-every time I laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.

-every time I choose positivity over negativity.

-every time I prioritize my needs.

-every time, I am able to help another person take a step closer to

loving who they are and healing their pain. 

 

So my dear friend, if you can relate to how I was feeling earlier this month, do yourself a favor and remind yourself of what really matters.  Ask yourself "what does success really look like to me"?  Not to your mother, your bestie or your partner.  TO YOU!   Then, proceed with LOVE for yourself and most of all, remember that EVERY SINGLE TINY CHOICE you make to be kind to yourself is MAJOR SUCCESS.

 

 

With Great LOVE & COMPASSION,

 

JENI xx

Why I am celebrating change, instead of fearing it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  This is my first blog of the New Year and my gosh, I am so excited to be writing!  I wanted talk about a change in perspective I had recently, about CHANGE, and how that slight shift in perspective has me feeling so pumped for the year ahead and well, the rest of my life really.  

For most, change can be a totally scary thing right?!?  Think, change of address, jobs, relationship status, weight, desires, diet, etc... I know from personal experience that the anticipation of a change is the hardest part.  We can be flooded with questions, concerns and doubts, i.e., is this going to work out, will I succeed or fail, will I make a fool of myself, will I be prepared or equipped for what I am embarking on??? etc.  

A few days ago, Ev (my bae), showed me this hilarious video about American History and how much change there has been, that we would never want to see go away.  It was a political satire about "making America Great Again" and how we actually used to have some pretty terrible things in our culture... anyway, this email is NOT about politics, but the video got me thinking about change and I asked myself why it's so often villainized and feared.

Then, early this morning, while meditating, I had this beautiful realization, I thought, "THANK GOD FOR CHANGE!"  I thought about all the beautiful personal growth I have had since being a wee babe and how lucky we, as humans are, that we get to change and evolve. For instance: how cool is it that I learned to walk, I learned to talk and read, I learned to cook for myself (this skill grows more every day!), how cool that I learned to drive, speak another language, sew, run, etc.  Look at all these incredible things I got from change!!  

I wanted to tell you about this little experience, because, here we are, 18 days into 2017 and I know resolutions are still on your mind and perhaps the anticipation of change is freaking you out a little bit. Maybe the goal or desire you have for this year comes with a few unknowns and you might be feeling a little overwhelmed by the possibilities of failure, on the other side of this change.  

I know it's easy to freak out before making changes, so I just wanted to say,  that if you are continuing to GROW, if the change is going to bring you to a happier & healthier version of yourself (and by healthy I don't just mean drinking green juice, although it might include that... I mean, becoming a truly happy and fulfilled person) then, EMBRACE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CHANGE.

I want to end blog with one piece of advice: if, as you evaluate your resolutions or goals for this year, fear of change begins to appear, reflect on all the beautiful moments you have had in your life, as a result of change.  Celebrate every single little beautiful moment that has come as a result to change.  As a quick aside, I want to say, Thank god, for change: when I was 12 I wanted to paint my walls tie-dye, at 19, I wore mini-skirts in the winter without tights and at 24, I ate oreo's, thinking they were healthy, just because they were vegan... oh thank god for change!!

 

I wish you a year FILLED with BEAUTIFUL CHANGE!!!

 

with great LOVE & COMPASSION, 

 

JENI xx

 

If you want help or guidance with implementing goals and change into your life this year, I would seriously love to help you!! I offer FREE 30 minute Break Through Sessions, as an opportunity for you to get really clear on what you want for your life, what is currently keeping you from that life and what support you need to ensure your success.  Click here to be brought to my scheduler to book your Break Through Session.  Let me help you embrace change and create a totally beautiful and kick-ass life!  

Can you make this ENEMY your FRIEND???

Hello Beautiful Friend, 


Here we are, 4 short days away from 2017.  I know these next few days are so magical, it's when everyone gets revved up, excited and totally inspired to set new goals, seek out personal growth and dare to create more of what we want in our lives and release more of what we don't want...

That excitement and inspiration is a wonderful thing.  But we all know, thatexcitement and inspiration can be very fleeting, and then we are left feeling totally BUMMED.  Going from that high-as-a-kite level of excitement one day and waking up the next sans that feeling can be so devastating.  Trust me, I am NOT immune to the torment either.

So as I myself am pondering my new goals, desires and plans for my life, I have found a theme emerging.  I wanted to share it with you and I truly think it can help you change your relationship to that old enemy- the feeling of "high on inspiration" one minute to "down in the dumps" the next...

Recently, in all the things I am reading, in conversations with friends and even spiritual leaders, there has been a theme: the LIGHT in us Vs the DARK in us and how the DARKNESS is actually a BEAUTIFUL THING!   HUH??

Let me explain.  I know we often think of Light as good and Dark as evil, but it's actually more complex than that and if you can change your view of the darkness, you may actually begin to find love for it.


The LIGHT represents: LOVE most of all.  It represents personal growth, hope, authenticity and positive change. 

The Darkness represents: FEAR most of all.  It represents the fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of pain and failure and often comes out as doubt and worry.

So why on earth do I think that you should learn to LOVE this darkness inside of yourself?

In a conversation I had with a Jewish Re-constructionist Spiritual Leader yesterday, we talked about how the more we lean towards the light within ourselves, the more the darkness becomes apparent.  What a total pain right??  Well, actually, I think it's a beautiful sign.

The more we lean towards love.  The more we seek out personal growth.  The more we live in our own authenticity.  The more we create positive change.  The more the darkness within us will fight.  The more it will kick and scream.  The more it will want to challenge our hopes and dreams.  It will bring rise to our fears, doubts, and worries.  It will remind us that the unknown is scary, that it could REALLY hurt if you set out on new journey and fail or that you are not special enough to have a life of happiness and love...

I know, that sounds awful to be hit with all of those fears and worries.  But here's the positive take away. The more darkness you are feeling is actually EVIDENCE THAT YOU HAVE LEANED TOWARDS THE LIGHT! It is evidence that you are BRAVE, LOVING & AUTHENTIC.  What a beautiful opportunity fear allows us.  It is an opportunity to reflect on your growth.  I know that experiencing fear and doubt is NOT enjoyable in the moment.  But if you could get into the habit of seeing the darkness as a reflection of the light, you can learn to LOVE the darkness.  You can learn to give thanks for the darkness.  Best of all you can learn to see your LIGHT!

So, why did I want to talk about this right now?  4 days before 2017?  I wanted to remind you as you start on new journeys, set out on brave new paths and dream of living more beautiful, authentic lives, that there WILL WITHOUT A DOUBT, be moments of darkness.  GREAT BOUTS OF FEAR.  

DO NOT STOP. 

Those bouts, although certain to be sad and painful are simply reflections of the light!

Trust that you are on the right path, trust that you are strong and brave.  The more you see and feel the darkness, the more you can be assured that you ARE LEANING TOWARDS THE LIGHT.

 

I WISH YOU THE MOST INCREDIBLE END TO 2016 AND A BEAUTIFUL AND BRIGHT 2017!



Starting on Monday, January 2nd, I will be hosting a weekly Facebook LIVEvideo chat at 8:00am EST (NY) to answer whatever questions YOU HAVE. Maybe you'd like to ask me about my diet, habits, routines, how I get motivated, what it's like on the farm, how I overcame anxiety and self-doubt or what books I love to read or what my favorite movie is... whatever you'd like to ask, I'll answer a question a week.  So if you'd like to watch click here to follow me on FB and if you have a question, simply hit reply to this email and ASK IT or you can ask it on my FB tread.  I can't wait to get to know all of you better and interact more regularly. 




 

With Great LOVE & COMPASSION,


JENI xx




If you've ever wondered what it's like to work with me or what my program actually entails, I create a new VERY DETAILED webpage about it!  
CLICK HERE TO READ IT.

The BEST gift to give to your BESTIE, this year!

Can you believe we're in the final countdown for Xmas and Hanukkah?!?!?! (EEEK!)  As it is gift giving season I've been thinking a LOT about what to give those that are most important to me.

The truth is, I've been thinking a lot about my BFF.  She holds a VERY VERY important role in my life... after all, she's been there for the good, the bad and the seriously, seriously ugly... If you're anything like we are, you and your bestie LOVE to share your dreams, goals and even the setbacks, with each other.  

I'm certain that if you knew of a gift, that could help your #1, reach her #1 goal this year, you'd be totally psyched to give it to her, right??  Maybe you'd even act a "little" insane to ensure she got it, am I right?!?  (I can be a fluffy kitten until you mess with one of my girls and then, BAM, I'm a freaking attack lion, just like that... can ya feel me on that?!?!.... anyway, I digress)  Can you imagine the look on her face, the absolute sense of joy and relief she would feel, knowing that you've got her back and that her life was going to be everything she dreamed of!!  Man, you'd win the bestie-of-the-year award!!! AMAAAAAAZING!

So, in the next few days, as you think about what YOUR GOALS & DREAMS are for 2017, and you start to get that tingly-all-over feeling of excitement as you think about them coming true and you can't wait to tell your bestie about them...  I'd like you to consider this: If there was something you could give to yourself, to ensure that you reached your #1 goal this year, would you be totally psyched to give it to yourself, or would you let fear, a sense of unworthiness and a laundry list of excuses get in the way???  SAY WHAT??  WHO WOULD DO THAT??  

Girl, let's get real for a minute.

If you're anything like I am, the idea of helping the ones I love reach their goals, live their dreams or have a generally, kick-ass life, I am allllllll about it.  But as soon as it comes to me, helping myself, it's like, 
OH NO, I COULDN'T... I DON'T DESERVE THAT...  IT WOULDN'T WORK FOR ME... WOULDN'T THAT BE SO SELFISH/ SELF INDULGENT, etc etc etc.

The sad thing is, I know I'm not alone in those reactions.

Why is it so easy for us to go to insane lengths to help others be happy and yet, as soon as we look at our needs & wants, all we see are excuses and "why nots".  

So, this Holiday Season (and new year) I want you to TREAT YOURSELF LIKE YOU WOULD YOUR BESTIE and finally GIVE YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED.

NO HOLDS BARRED!!!

Maybe you dream of running your first 5k, going vegan, fitting into a smaller dress size, feeling like a confident, bad-ass, don't-mess-with-me Beech or you want to wake up in the morning, feeling totally at peace with your body... whatever it is you dream of for 2017, VALUE YOUR DREAMS & what you need to get there.

Only you really know what support & tools you need.  Or, maybe you don't know what support & tools you need and you'd LOVE to FIGURE IT OUT.  I totally get that, feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to begin.  I used to feel that way too, around getting healthy & happy... but as a Nutrition & Wellbeing coach, that's actually MY ROLE.  To help a client get in touch with what SHE really wants and what SHE really needs.  That's why I offer FREE, BREAK THROUGH SESSIONS.  Often times, we have a dream and can't seem to get past the fear of "I don't even know where to start."  If you feel that way, if you're longing to create a BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY, & PEACEFUL relationship with your body & food and you want your life to be filled with joy and meaning.  Start by clicking this link.  Book your FREE, BREAK THROUGH SESSION with me.  

I SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY, LOVE helping women heal their relationship to food and create loving relationships with their bodies, because when we do that, WE CAN FINALLY FOCUS ON BIGGER & BETTER THINGS!! ( Like running a 5k, writing a novel, traveling the world or some day, starting a family.)  

So, don't waste another year, or 6 months, or even a week, wishing but not acting.  2017 will be F*cking AMAZING, if you want it to be!  CLICK HERE to be brought to my scheduler.  LET'S CHAT.



 

With Great LOVE & COMPASSION,



JENI xx







 

The Lessons I've Learned after One Month in Boston

Your life unfolds in proportion to your courage.

Yesterday I moved into my new apartment.  It is cozy, peaceful and everything I dreamed of, when I made the choice to come to Boston.  When I arrived to get the keys and I took my first step inside, I had an overwhelming and beautiful thought.  "THIS IS MINE.  I DID THIS."  I had never felt so overwhelmingly proud of myself before.  I had never felt such deep feelings of true satisfaction, before. Seeing so clearly what my hard work, bravery (or insanity... depending on who you ask) and dedication created.  It became so clear to me yesterday how much I have grown in this last month.  Of course, there were tons of other emotions that followed that first thought... but my gut reaction was what this was all about: BEING ABLE TO FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF.  

I wanted to write this blog today, for me.  To write down all the things I have learned and experienced in the last month, as a direct result of daring to shake things up and finally face the shit I had been hiding from.  

Here is the list of the things that I am most proud of:

Lesson 1: Realizing that, liking myself and feeling proud of myself is so vital to feeling happy & healthy.  No amount of outside validation, love or bottomless compliments can replace the feelings of dislike or dissatisfaction within myself.  Being able to wake up and say, "I like me", is the most incredible feeling in the world.  I like my decisions, my gutsy-ness, my growth, my improved communication and patience with myself and others, etc. 

Lesson 2: Realizing that, GOOD Communication is a must and how a grownup must behave.  The meaning of "good" will differ depending on the context, maybe it's kind and patient or maybe it's direct and honest.  Whatever it is, good communication is being able to get your point across, but also making sure that you are hearing what others are saying, feeling and asking for.  

Lesson 3: Realizing that being defensive won't solve a gosh darn thing.  It's inevitable that as humans we will fuck up, or on occasion be defensive about a mistake we made... however, I realized that being defensive was something I did, because I was so uncomfortable with myself.  I felt like all I did was make mistakes and I wanted to hide from them, rather than confront them and grow.  I thought that acknowledging my mistakes would make me unlovable and really, it's that I didn't love HOW I was being.

Lesson 4: Realizing that the best way to face the things I am afraid of, is to face them head on, immediately.  Oh my gosh, I used to be the worlds BIGGEST procrastinator and would make endless excuses for myself or willingly let myself be distracted.  Now, I find that I love accomplishing things as soon as they arise.

Lesson 5: Realizing that financial stability really does impact the way I feel about myself and how I view the world, and it's GOOD to really KNOW my finances.  This month I will make more money that I have ever made before, by a lot.  I see how it impacts my view of what's possible, of how I treat myself and that it aids in me feeling strong & competent.  I used to fear looking at my finances because it was only going to show me where I was lacking and how childish I was.  Now I enjoy keeping financial records and voting on what's important to me based on how I spend my hard-earned dollars.  

Lesson 6: Realizing that a clean home is a happy home.  If you have known me in any real capacity, you will know that I was never really a tidy person.  Now I absolutely take pride in keeping the sink free of dishes, washing laundry and putting it away, immediately and that ultimately, the state of your home is a direct reflection of your emotional state.

Lesson 7: Realizing that true strength begins with emotional strength, which does not mean, not crying.  Some might say that if you cry a lot, you're a weak person.  What I've come to know over the last month, is that it takes great strength and perseverance to feel fear, sadness, regret, or despair and not make choices that keep you from feeling them- i.e. distracting myself, running from the feelings or wishing them away.  Ultimately, the only way to grow from life, is to actually experience the experiences... feel the fucking feelings.

Lesson 8: Realizing that self love is more than liking your body.  For so long I thought self love was totally about accepting your physical self.  Maybe that was the first big obstacle for me, and without that, nothing was going to improve... but as of late, I realized that self love is about doing the things that will help you grow.  Doing the things that are scary and doing the things that make you feel like a badass bitch, straight outta hell.  (that's what I keep calling myself, anyway, and it sure feels good!)

Lesson 9: Realizing that all choices have real consequences.  I'm not just talking about mistakes or failures.  Each choice we make has real consequences that impact your life and everyone else's for that matter.  Bad choices often lead to bad consequences, but don't forget, that good choices have good consequences too.  For me my good choices such as going to yoga, eating REAL food, journaling, being honest, going after the things that scare me, all come with beautiful results, which are actually the consequences of my actions.  Remember that.

I feel like a badass because of these things:

1. I walked (pretty far) to get to the Roslyndale Farmer's Market.

2. I biked to Whole Foods.

3. I biked to downtown (and the roads were a bit scary) and I even snapped at a shitty driver.

4. I figured out the stupid ticket machines for the T and was even able to eventually help a foreigner too.

5. I walked every morning, despite how tired I was. 

6. I made friends with strangers.

7. I told an Uber driver that he was going the wrong way, made him turn around and gave him directions for how to get home... despite the fact that he said he wanted to trust his GPS.

8. I went running with a running group, on a reallllllly HOT day.

9. I learned a lot about wine and am now a pro at opening a bottle table side!  BOYAH! 

10. I looked at apartments and told relators to get real, I was like, "drop your price, cut your commission, no way.., etc" and ultimately found my dream place, cause I just wouldn't settle.

11. I drove a big moving truck, in Boston traffic. 

12. I learned to support myself emotionally.  That I don't need to have anyone else solve my problems, fix my situation or live the consequences for me.  

13. I worked long, LATE hours.

BEST FOR LAST: I faced the things that scared me most and found out that I am seriously badass. 

 

I just want to say, that if you aren't proud of your life, something needs to change.  It takes a lot of courage and a little bit of insanity to make change in your life.  But if you don't like you, if you don't wake up feeling like you are proud of who you are, it's time to evaluate what you need to do, to do so.

If you know you want to make changes in your life, but you don't know how to go about it or perhaps feel conflicted about the why... maybe we should have a chat.  I'd love help you connect with your inner-badass B.  Click here, let's chat.

 

Until next time- CHASE YOUR DREAMS AND EAT SOME GREENS

Mwah- JENI 

  

 

My Favorite: Smoothies

I have always been a fan of fruit smoothies.  My mother used to make them for us as kids and boy, did she make them taste amazing!!  Within the last year though, my taste for ingredients has totally changed.  I'm seriously addicted to green smoothies.  If I don't have a green in it, I feel like, what's the point??  I know it can sound a bit intimidating or even sorta yucky to put greens in a fruit smoothie, but I promise, if you blend them right, you will be addicted too!

So, I wanted to share with you my 3 favorite combos.

IMPORTANT TIPS:  

Make sure you "chew" your smoothie or at least swish it around in your mouth before swallowing.  There are digestive enzymes that are excreted in your mouth, that without, will leave your food rotting in your belly, causing bloat, gas and discomfort.  That goes for all food really, chew slowly! It's best to blend the milk and the greens together first, before adding the remaining ingredients, unless you have a high powered blender that can handle it all at once. FROZEN bananas are a MUST.  It will give your smoothies an incredible texture and make the whole experience much more enjoyable- promise!  I prefer the flavor and texture of spinach in my smoothies, but seriously use whatever green you like best.  If I am using water in my smoothie, instead of milk (if I am looking to hydrate) I use Napa Cabbage, because it is filled with water itself and also really light in flavor.

Smoothie #1: Green is GOOD

 

 This is my GO-TO smoothie.  I freaking LOVE it.  Seriously!  

Ingredients:  2 handfuls of fresh spinach, 1 frozen banana, 1/2 cup frozen mango, 2 heaping table spoons favorite nut butter (I use almond), 2 cups almond milk.  

Smoothie #2: The Fudge Pop 

This smoothie tastes sooooo good and makes you feel like you are having the most indulgent milk shake!  But it's soooo good for you. 

Ingredients: 2 handfuls fresh spinach, 1 frozen banana, 1/2 cup frozen pomegranate seeds, 2 heaping table spoons of sunflower butter, 2 cups almond milk, 1 tablespoon coco powder, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and a drizzle of honey (or sweetener of choice).  

 

Smoothie #3: Sunshine Smoothie 

 

This smoothie is meant for lounging on the beach with your ladies and a good book.  It has such an awesome tropical vibe.  ENJOY!

Ingredients: 1 handful fresh spinach, 1 frozen banana, 1/2 cup frozen pineapple, 1/2 cup frozen mango, 2 tablespoons almond butter, dash of shaved coconut and 2 cups almond milk (coconut milk works great too!).

 

I hope you enjoy these smoothies as much as I do.  Feel free to play around with the ingredients and have fun with it!

 

 

Until next time- CHASE YOUR DREAMS AND EAT SOME GREENS.

Mwah- JENI 

Open Letter from My Heart

For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

Dear friends,

  Today marks two weeks that I have been in Boston.  I can't believe it.  In some ways it feels like it's been five minutes and in other ways it feels like it's been five years.  Everything is different and new and somethings are beautiful and others are shocking and jarring.  Before I left, so many of you asked me why I was going, including some of my closest friends... and I couldn't respond.  It was hard for me to put into words what was going on and why I was choosing to uproot my life and start something new in Boston... I was even having a hard time explaining it to myself.  After all, I wasn't going for a job or even with my partner, so why this move?  Why did I need to change everything?  

  Before I go into detail about my personal life and the things I will tell you here, I ask that no mean, critical or down-right shitty things be left in the comments below.  I am opening up my heart and life here and I ask for kindness and compassion in return... Please also recognize that this is an extremely abridged version of my life and relationship... so here goes...

  In truth, it wasn't until the last few days that it all started to make any sense to me.   Ev and I decided to separate a week ago and after he left, I was left to do some thinking.   Over the last 4 years that he and I spent together, I have grown and changed and discovered things about myself that I didn't have the courage or the support to do in previous times of my life.  He was witness to so many different parts and sides of me that I had never shown to any one else.  In some ways that type of support and acceptance can create such beautiful love and help a person to become a stronger more independent version of themselves and in other ways that can create a dependent, stifling situation.  Over the last 4 years, I have him to thank for so much of my personal growth and even my ability to accept who I am and embrace it.  

  A few years before Ev and I dated, I was in a relationship that was both sexually and emotionally very unhealthy.  I spent years ignoring the things that had happened in that relationship and refused to acknowledge how I felt.  I tried going to therapy 6 years ago, but I found that all I did was gossip and complain in each session rather than actually get to the "heart of it".  I have Everett to thank for finally giving me the love and support for me to not only be able to talk to him about it, but to also seek the help of a therapist that was so understanding and helpful to me in finally facing the truth of my past.  During my time in therapy, I realized that so many of my recent choices had been made out of fear.  Fear of outcomes, fear of making my own choices and mostly fear that being more of myself meant that others might suffer.  Over the last few years I have put a lot of effort, time and attention into bettering myself and growing into the woman I want to be, not someone who acts out of fear, but someone who acts out of love and strength. So much has changed in the last year for me, including, becoming a health coach, ending old, harmful friendships, calling out people who hurt me and also telling my family that I did not want to be associated with the religion in which I was raised (this was by far the most difficult). However, despite the personal growth I was experiencing, I was becoming more and more attached to Everett in every single way.  I started to become afraid to do anything without him and fear started to present itself in the weirdest of ways.  I was suddenly absolutely petrified of water, which was weird cause I had never felt scared before.  I was terrified of flying, I was terrified of traveling without him, I was terrified of just about everything outside of the farm and our cozy little bubble of a life and I found myself rushing home everyday just to be there and sit on the couch.  I started to resent him for it, for the fact that I no longer felt like I could or wanted to do anything on my own.  Now let me tell you, this experience was NOT fun for either of us at all.  

  You know that stupid phrase, the only thing to fear, is fear itself... I hate that so much, but seriously though, I was becoming afraid of everything and I didn't want that to be who I was. Up until recent years, I was actually a pretty adventurous person and maybe it was because I was always running from my truth, rather than facing it, but whatever it was, I didn't want to become a person who couldn't leave her house willingly.  As a health coach, I have the privilege of working with some absolutely incredible women.  As of now, I've worked with 8 awe-inspiring women who have all made INSANE changes to their lives.  I am so honored that I got to work with them and be witness to and support them in creating their dream lives... but there I was, feeling stifled and fearful... how could I let that be MY life??  So, that's when I decided to coach myself... and that's when I knew that I had to do something BIG in order to break out of this fear that was becoming pretty all consuming.  So, that right there, is how Boston came about.  Although it was NOT an easy thing for us to decide or come to agreement on, Ev and I knew it had to happen. That I needed to do things that scare me, that shake me and that remind me that the world is big and that I am brave.  I have cried nearly every day since being here.  Some days I cry because I am sad, others because I am so proud of myself, and others I cry because I am afraid that I will lose my life entirely as I knew it (including an incredible partner) in this experiment.  However, I know that this was what had to happen in my life.  I know that to be truly happy, I want to be self-sufficient, self-reliant and believe so strongly in myself that I don't quiver at the idea of trying something new... and most of all, I want to feel as though I am adding to the life of my partner and not just relying on him to fill mine up.

  Since being here, I am continuously shown that I must trust the timing of my life.  That I am becoming exactly who I am supposed to be and things are unfolding at the exact moment that I am ready for them.  I am rediscovering that I AM brave, and strong and totally capable.  It's so incredible to see how each one of my choices impacts my life.  Just being here last week, I saw how I was able to be a better health coach.  I know what it's like for my clients to implement change and newness into their lives, it is NOT always easy, but fuck, it is worth it.  

  

I want to encourage each and everyone of you to follow your heart and do the things that you can't stop thinking about.  Don't live out of fear or regret or spend it sitting on your couch.  Get up, face it all, experience every little thing that you can and it will be beautiful (even in the sadness).

Until next time- CHASE YOUR DREAMS AND EAT SOME GREENS

Mwah- JENI 

How to Hear the Real You

For so long I was disconnected from myself.  My REAL self, my deeply rooted, at the core of everything, self.  I often found myself looking to others for the answers.  Answers on how to dress, what was OK behavior for a "good girl" and even what were acceptable things to want or dream of.  I am not upset at myself for this.  After all, I grew up in a society coveting beauty and very heavily dictating what being a woman should look like.  I wasn't encouraged to think for myself or find the answer within myself.  Instead I tried to follow the pack, I learned to distrust myself, dislike myself and aim for perfection...  Although my teens and early 20's were mostly about losing myself... I am so happy to have re-found myself.  I want to encourage you as you read this, to remember that you already have the right answers inside of you. You may benefit from working with an accountability partner, a counselor, a coach, or a friend, but the truth of it, is that if they are the right fit for you, they will help you hear what's really inside of you and not give you their answer.

So Who is the REAL You?

Some people refer to it as your inner voice, your inner goddess, your inner wisdom, your gut, etc. It's what you crave and need (without all the external influences).  It is the choice that would serve you most wholly and authentically.  I like to say it's the voice of epiphany.  So many times I have been stuck about what to do, what to say, or what it all means... I had talked to countless friends, cried to my mom, and searched on the internet for some form of motivation... and it wasn't until I was alone with my thoughts (usually while running or doing yoga) that I got my ah-ha moment, there it was, the insight I was seeking.  The answer that felt most right, some-what obvious and wildly exciting!  That right there is the REAL you.

**Beware the critic in you**

If you are anything at all like me... or a normal human being, for that matter, there have been times that the thoughts you hear when you are alone with yourself are critical, doubting and perhaps down right freaking mean.  That voice, that tells you that you are not smart enough, not qualified enough, stupid, ugly, too old, too young, unloveable, fat, too tall, too short... the voice that for me used to tear me down; that voice is NOT the real you.  That voice may come from your scared self, or your overprotective mother, or perhaps that bitch from high school who tormented you for purely evil reasons.  But what that voice is NOT, is the real you.  So please, when one of these voices pop up, mentally hug "her", tell "her" that you don't need her input currently and wish her well.

How to Hear the REAL You:

The real me is strong, brave, kind, thoughtful, calm and self assured.  How, after all of these years did I find her and separate out her voice from all the other influences on my choices/thoughts? Well it took practice, stillness and forgiveness.  

Here are my suggestions to better hear the REAL YOU.

Step 1: Create stillness. Part of why it can be hard to hear ourselves is how busy we are.  We are constantly on the go, bombarded by signs, lights, noises and others' input.  The best way to hear yourself, is to give yourself the space to breathe.  For this I recommend meditation.  Whatever this means to you.  Whether it's the repetition of knitting, running, walking alone in nature, or sitting with your legs crossed, hands on knees, eyes closed while repeating a mantra... find quiet space and just be.

Step 2: Write it all down.  It can be so eye-opening to write free flowing thoughts in a journal. Lately I write every morning and I can not recommend this practice enough.  For me, there is magic in writing, things have a way of being clear when I give myself the chance to just let my thoughts flow through my hand on to paper.  Plus, feeling like having a diary, like I had back in middle school, just feels comforting and encouraging to get my deepest most horrifying thoughts out.

Step 3: Exercise.  It the height of my anxiety, I often felt like I was a brain trapped in a body.  I felt so disjointed, uncomfortable and desperate.  I have learned that in order to feel my best, all parts of me have to be connected and in alignment.  My favorite ways of reconnecting my physical and emotional self are walking in nature, going for a run or getting on my yoga mat for a quick practice.  

Step 4: Trust your gut.  I spent so much time denying my gut reactions.  I dated guys that gave me a bad feeling, I sublet my apartment to some who I felt instantly was going to flake on me, I said yes when I really meant no... ultimately I brought a heap of trouble into my life, simply because I denied how I felt about things, because I wanted to be "chill", I wanted to be accepting and I certainly did not want to be a bitch.  STOP NEGLECTING YOUR GUT REACTION, it holds the truth of how you REALLY feel.

Step 5: Take care of yourself.  The truth of it is, if we don't take care of ourselves, if we aren't getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating nourishing foods, participating in things that make us happy, and avoiding the things that make us feel bad; how can we expect ourselves to be in the right shape to make solid, good choices?  (I'm referring to mental, physical and emotional shape, here.)

 

So the next time you feel like you are in a panic or you don't know what to do, take some time to implement or incorporate these steps.  Remember, you have the answer inside of you already. Give yourself the space, love and encouragement to let out your truth.  

 

Until next time- CHASE YOUR DREAMS AND EAT SOME GREENS. 

Mwah- JENI 

 

Next week I will be sharing a new YouTube video on SELF LOVE and how I am incorporating it in my life now.  Did you see my last YouTube video on why I think it's harmful to both you and the person you call "perfect", so STOP doing it.

 

Note to Self

With the start of 2016 I promised myself I would be dedicated, focused and diligent in moving forward with blogging, creating and building a thriving health coaching practice. And for all of January I did just that.  I was focused and feeling wildly creative.  (hello! Self Love workbook). However, in the last 5 weeks, shit got crazy.  I took on a new day job, had some really major things happen with my family, oh and we moved...  I cried a lot over the last month. I hated the idea of deviating from my plan and I REALLY HATED that all of a sudden I had no form of routine.  

Rather than acknowledge that things were shifting, I tried to just push my way through it.  I started writing a blog about Self Love the week prior to Valentine's Day.  I timed it so that I could release my witty thoughts on love and self-love the day after we had gorged ourselves on chocolates, flowers, champagne and stereotypical views on what "love" really means... however, it sounded terrible.  It was spiteful and angry (which is so NOT what I was going for.)  The more I tried to force out this blog post, at midnight or while multitasking with 20 other things, the worse it got.  All of a sudden I was hit with feelings of "I'm a failure", "all of my hard work was for nothing" "I have no follow through", you get the picture.  I had to remind myself that I was NOT being lazy. Life was just simply "happening".

Over these last few weeks I've had my tribe to turn to, other women in the health and wellness field who listened to me cry and asked really meaningful questions (you know, they health coached ME.)  What we came up with is that right now, I need to coach myself into a better place of self care.  I haven't mentioned that I haven't really exercised much in the last 2 months and I have eaten an ungodly amount of pre-packaged food. Productivity took over... so for the next 21 days (because well, that's how long it takes to form new habits) I am going to focus on filling up my own cup, putting on my figurative air mask... and taking care of my needs. 

cozy nook for drinking tea and listening to podcasts at the new house (Rosky loves it too, can you blame us?)

cozy nook for drinking tea and listening to podcasts at the new house (Rosky loves it too, can you blame us?)

MY 21 DAYS OF SELF care:

self care promise 1: Exercise.  I will get my heart rate up every single day.  (doing the Fresh Body Fit Mind program).  A strong body = a strong mind. 

self care promise 2: Candida cleanse.  In the last 5 weeks we have eaten pizza I think 5 times, which is NOT how I want to live my life and not how we normally do.  So today marks Day 1 of a candida-free diet.  I'm actually really excited.  I have planned out my meals for the whole week! That's not something I normally do, but it was a blast! Part B of this: no eating out for 21 days! 

self care promise 3: Daily yoga & meditation.  I get in such a tizzy when I have no routine and things change that the idea of sitting still becomes so painful... clearly, sitting still is exactly what I need.  Even if it's just for 5 minutes of each.  

self care promise 4: Tech free Sundays.  For the next 3 weeks I will not use IG, FB, surf the web or open my computer.  Instead I will read, walk, work in the yard, work on growing seeds (time to plant soon!) or just be.  

self love promise 5: Be creative for me. I get so worked up sometimes, that being creative has to be about producing an end product, that I have to write for others to read, or I have to knit something so that I can give it as a gift... but I want to sew for fun and spin some yarn.  (maybe that will be my new Sunday hobby). 

self care promise 6: Go hiking. For the next 3 Saturdays, I will go hiking.  I want to go do 3 new hikes.  Being in nature is TRULY the one thing in this life that fills me up the most.  MAKE IT A PRIORITY.  

Final note to self.  JUST GO WITH LIFE.  Stop pushing when you should rest, or bullying yourself because things don't get done on the first go around.  SPEND TIME OUTSIDE.  LISTEN to yourself and to your partner.  NOURISH YOUR BODY.  NO RUSHING, NO MULTITASKING.

Here goes, Day 1 of 21 days of self care.  Mental confetti is flying everywhere!  CHEERS.

Until next time- CHASE YOUR DREAMS AND EAT SOME GREENS. 

mwah- JENI

Keep in touch on IG @ gloriousmorningwellness